well shut the front door!

What're You Calling Me?

2012-02-22T11:19:00.000-04:00

I usually hate the word verification box but this one still makes me laugh.

Hope I Get Shot By An Arrow Today

2012-02-20T09:04:00.002-04:00

Remember when I hinted about something I'd reveal on February 20?

Well, even if you don't (it's cool), I'm going to tell you anyway because TODAY is February 20! If you're a new follower, perhaps you've clicked on the About Me tab just over there, to the right. If not, then let me sum it up for you: For the last two years, I've been writing novels and submitting them to agents in hopes of becoming a published author. So far, I'm still un-agented. Le boo.

Okay, so now that everyone's all caught up...

Two weeks ago, I was ~~wasting time~~ on Twitter when I noticed an announcement for a Blind Agent Speed Dating Contest. Considering I think that most activities become significantly more fun with a blindfold, I was intrigued.

There's a blog called cupidslitconnections, which is run by Cupid, and his/her aim (ha) is to "bring writers and agents together to form magical literary connections." Awesome. The Blind Agent Speed Dating Contest required entrants to send in their query letter (letters of submission to agents) and the first 250 words of their manuscript. Only 100 entries were accepted over two days. It was first come, first served.

And I got in!

Then there were two weeks where the queries/250 words were judged by "bouncers." In order to make it to the actual speed dating round, you needed to get a bouncer to "let you in."

And I got in!

So now I'm in the final round and I feel like this is going to be the longest week of my life. The agents have been assigned code names so nobody knows who they are - not even each other. Agents receive four "arrows" today and then two more on Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday. A request for a "partial" (usually the first five chapters of a manuscript) costs an agent one arrow. A request for a "full" costs an agent three arrows. There can only be two partial requests per entry and each day, the price for requests goes up. And let me tell you, although the agents have code names, we know who is participating and there are some serious biz agents in there. Serious biz!

Here's why this contest is freaking so fantastic. Often, you wait anywhere from a week to a few months to hear back from an agent after querying them. A fellow author made this YouTube video which I feel accurately represents what the querying process is like:

You can follow her on Twitter, if you like: @StephanieEDiaz

Here, though, I'll know by Friday if any of the 12 agents are interested in reading my work! It's amazing! AND, when you get "shot" by an agent, you don't know who they are until Friday when the code names are revealed! Fun and nerve-wracking...that's a fun combo, right?

Rounds run from noon to midnight from now until Thursday. How I'm going to be able to tear myself away from the internet will be a wonder. Oh who am I kidding, I'm obviously going to get carpal tunnel. And as if that isn't enough, there's a hashtag on Twitter when the agents can trash-talk each other about which queries they want!

Although nobody's allowed to comment on entires except agents, here's a link to mine. Hopefully by Friday there'll be a few arrows in there!

(And I woke up this morning to read an email from another awesome contest that I won! I get a book about writing AND a query critique from Linda Epstein! Hopefully this is the start of a FANTASTIC week!)

*crosses fingers*

*refreshes*

The Nail Files: VII

2012-02-17T08:54:00.001-04:00

Ah Friday....it's so good to see you...

That must mean it's time for another edition of The Nail Files with Vicki and Tara!

YAY!

It was a crazy week but a good kind of crazy and that calls for a celebration! What better way than doing all-glitter nails?

From the left: Rainbow Connection, DS Coronation and Crown Me Already!

One coat of DS Coronation for a holographic sparkle base, then two coats of Crown Me Already! and two coats of Rainbow Connection for an accent finger. I feel like I'm a walking sparkler with a hidden confetti cannon and I love it!

*sneaks behind couch*

*shoots cannon*

*spins in glitter*

Whee!!!

Book Club Friday: Night Road

2012-02-17T07:57:00.002-04:00

Bookity, bookity, book club!

YAY!

This week, I ~~sobbed my way through~~ read this:

This wasn’t my first time at a Kristin Hannah rodeo but MAN,did this one get to me. Once I picked it up, it was impossible to put down. Iread it in four hours. At almost four hundred pages, you can see that meansit was a really, really good book.

Really, really good and incredibly exhausting. WhenI wasn’t crying about something touching then I was crying about injustice. ButI’m getting ahead of myself, you don’t even know what the book was about yet!

Meet the Farrahdays: Jude, an extremely overprotectivemother to teenaged twins Mia and Zach and wife to her husband Miles. By“extremely overprotective,” I mean that she’s obsessed with her kids.

Ob. Sessed.

Mia doesn’t have a lot of friends, which is in directcontrast to her super-popular brother. On the first day of high school, a newgirl named Alexa (Lexi) arrives. She's spent most of her childhood going in and out of foster care as her mother was inand out of prison. After her mother's death, Lexi finds herself living with an aunt shenever knew she had.

Joyous Cry #1: Lexi finally finds a family.

The first bit of the book showed just how much Lexi had toovercome, which is why I cried approximately twenty thousand times. For reals, people. You NEEDtissues for this one. Then the book skips forward to the twins’ and Lexi’ssenior year.

And that’s where the real crying began.

The middle section of the book happens during senior year and it's filled with normal things: parties, college applications and the fear of leaving home for the first time. If you’re a smarty-pie, you’ll be able to see the plot“twist” long before it happens. I put “twist” in quotations, though, becausethe act itself isn’t nearly as important as how the characters deal with theaftermath.

Around page 200, my brain exploded.

Around page 230, it exploded again.

Then I was back to crying.

There’s a little bit of adult-preachiness but, frankly, it’sappropriate. The rotating points of view: Jude, Mia, Zach, and Lexi, delivers awell-rounded story, which is crucial with a heavy plot like this one. Asheavy as it was, though, the underlying message is the unbreakable bond offamily and how forgiving doesn’t mean forgetting.

And that’s all I’m going to say about this book.

Except thatyou should read it. Alone. After taking off your mascara.

Orange Chicken

2012-02-16T09:30:00.000-04:00

Another Pinterest recipe. Super easy, super tasty, (somewhat) super good for you.

Source: sixsistersstuff via Angela on Pinterest

Here's what you'll need:

1 cup orange juice

1 tbs balsamic vinegar

4 tbs brown sugar

3 tbs ketchup

1/3 cup flour

Cut up the chicken into little pieces and coat with flour.

Mix the orange juice, brown sugar, ketchup, salt, olive oil and balsamic vinegar.

Brown the chicken slightly in an oiled pan. It doesn't have to be fully cooked, but it probably will be by the time it's browned on both sides.

Put the chicken in the slow cooker, add the juice mix and set on high for 2 - 3 hours.

A little basmati rice and you're good to go! And I have to say that the longer you let this bad-boy cook, the more of a "fried" taste you'll get. The simmering juices really pack on after a while.

Deeelish!

OH, and a little something I learned: 1 cup of frozen concentrated juice is NOT the same as 1 cup of thawed juice. Use the thawed or it'll be a tangy disaster. You've been warned.

Dear Skin:

2012-02-15T09:30:00.000-04:00

With all due respect...

What the hell is going on?!

In the thirty years that you've coated my body, I've never once had to worry about you getting dry. In fact, most days, I was more focused on sucking oil out of you instead of lathering it on. Recently, though, things have changed.

Obviously, I'm writing you this letter because the change isn't good.

Not good, skin!

The MOMENT I turned thirty, all of your moisture seemed to pack up and jump ship. Each morning, I wake up to scale-y chalky sections of you on my legs. Sometimes, even in the middle of the day! Even on my arms!

For the first time in my life, I finished an entire container of moisturizer. And not just ANY moisturizer but Bliss' Sage and Lemon Body Butter!

Did I mention that I cracked it open on Christmas? That's like barely five weeks!

PLUS, I even added a few drops of Bio Oil.

That's literal oil, skin! I'm putting OIL on you and you're still DRY! How is that possible? What do I have to do? BATHE in it?

So please, dear skin, get it together. If this is what it's going to be like for the next thirty years, well, let's just say that it's not going to be pretty. Mostly because you'll force me to sleep in a moisturizing suit and, trust me, you don't want that. It'd be like sleeping on a plastic covered couch.

ps. If anyone out there has any massive-moisturizer suggestions, please share your secrets. I'm really out of my element and need all of the help I can get. Dry skin hurts!

Hubby Wanted a Hummingbird -- Cake, That is.

2012-02-14T09:30:00.000-04:00

The Remix and I don't usually celebrate Valentine's Day but this year, we decided we would. I asked him if he'd like a special treat since it's been a while since I've baked anything. I opened up my Pinterest account for him to peruse but he stopped before really having a chance to look. Not that I could blame him. What he chose is down-right drool-worthy.

What did he pick?

A Hummingbird Cake.

Source: boulderlocavore.com via April on Pinterest

HUMMINGBIRD CAKE

Modified from Country Home magazine (2008)

Serves: 12 -16 servings (I made 12 cupcakes and 2 6" round cakes)

· Prep/assembly time: 45 minutes

· Baking time: 25-30 minutes

· Cooling time: 15 minutes

Cake Ingredients

· 3 cups flour (gluten free or regular)

· 2 teaspoons ground cinnamon

· 1 teaspoon baking soda

· 1 teaspoon salt

· 1 cup granulated sugar

· 1 cup packed light brown sugar

· 3 large eggs, room temperature

· 1 cup vegetable oil

· 2 teaspoons vanilla extract

· 1 cup fresh pineapple, crushed (I used canned)

· 2 cups roasted bananas*, mashed (approximately 4 large or 6 medium-small bananas with peel left on)

· 1 cup chopped pecans

· Parchment paper to line bottom of the cake pan

There are a lot of ingredients but what my baby wants, my baby gets, so off to the store I went.

Here's how you make it:

Preheat oven to 350. Put bananas on parchment lined baking sheet with the peels on. Bake for 12 minutes.

The skins will blacken. Let cool until they can be handled.

Then mash them in a small mixing bowl and set aside. Keep the oven on.

In a sifter, over a mixing bowl, combine the flour, cinnamon, baking soda and salt.

In a larger bowl, combine the granulated and brown sugar. In retrospect, I should have chosen a bigger bowl. You'll see how this almost turns into a bowl-mergency. Trust me, use a big bowl. Stir to combine.

Add the eggs and stir briskly by hand until smooth.

Smooooooooooth. Like this.

Whisk the oil and vanilla into the sugar/egg mixture.

Add the flour mixture all at once and hand stir until fully mixed. It gets tough. Use those pipes. Dig deep.

Get the crushed pineapple (and juice), banana and chopped pecans. Mix together gently with a spoon. Don't over mix. Seriously, don't do it.

You see now why I should have used a bigger bowl. I stirred very slowly so nothing flew out.

Divide the batter equally into whatever proportions you choose to use. I, errr, forgot to take a picture of that. Don't forget to butter, flour and line your pans with parchment paper. This is a sticky cake.

Then bake for 25 - 30 minutes, depending on what size cakes you make.

Let them cool in their pans for at least 5 minutes before removing.

I cheated and used store-bought cream cheese icing. Frankly, this cake was pretty labour intensive and I ran out of steam. Kudos to you if you decide to make it from scratch. Because this was a Hummingbird Cake of Love, I decorated it with cinnamon hearts and silver nonpareils.

Serve it up with a little chocolate ice cream and your lover/partner/crush will love you for life.*

*results not guaranteed but highly likely

Happy Valentine's Day!

V-Day Swap Reveal

2012-02-13T14:23:00.000-04:00

A little time ago, I heard about a V-day swap and it's finally time to show off our presents!!

YAY!!

I was matched up with Cassie from C Is For CatLady. Sure, it might have been because we're both Canadians but I think it's because we had so much in common!

I had so much fun picking out Cassie's gifts after stalking through her blog for ideas. Because I'm somewhat obsessive and have lots of free time, her package was wrapped and ready to go way before the mailing deadline. Then it was waiting time. Although, not for long! Both of our packages arrived about a week before today.

HORRIBLE, if you ask me as the package taunted me every time I passed by the dining room table, where it sat there...mockingly.

On Feb 9th, I caved.

Cassie was thrilled as it meant she could open hers too. Haha!!

Here's what I got!

The funny thing is that we both sent each other purple nail polish and heart-shaped cookie cutters! I'm so excited to try out the nail gemstone kit and...well...those chocolates are long gone. And what girl doesn't go through, like, a zillion bobby pins?

She even made me this cute card to describe why she picked what she did!

Please note #5. Adorable!

Thanks so much, Cassie! I love everything! Next time I'm in Toronto visiting, we'll need to meet up in real life!! You'll have to wear your boa so I can recognize you. Haha!!

Thanks so much for hosting the Swap, Tara, Meg and Celia!

And sorry I'm so late posting this. Our power's been out since 7 this morning....

The Nail Files: VI

2012-02-10T09:32:00.001-04:00

Thank goodness it's Friday. This has been a looooooooooong week. A good week but I'm ready for a little break.

That means it's time to link up with The Nail Files!

Here's what I used this week:

It's So Easy Rite Stripe in Silver Glitter & OPI's Step Right Up.

This was my first time trying to do something funky myself. I went to my local beauty supply outlet and they recommended the sparkle stripe. I was too nervous to do stripes right off the bat so I decided on polka dots. It was a little tricky because the brush is very long and bendy (you know, because it's actually meant for stripes, haha) but I got the hang of it by the time I got to my left hand.

I did two coats of Step Right Up and then dotted the silver glitter, finishing with a clear topcoat. It's soft and pretty and makes me want to wear a tiara and wave a magic wand, just like Glinda, The Good Witch of The North from The Wizard of Oz. The Remix will love rolling through Costco with me dressed like that (not really).

I'm excited to see what everyone else did this week!

Thanks Tara and Vicki!

Eff, Marry, Kill: IV

2012-02-09T08:09:00.001-04:00

Wohoo! It's that time again...

For this edition, I'm featuring the men of Rookie Blue.

So look, I know that the far majority of you won't know what this show is or who my choices are but that's okay. I'll walk you through. Rookie Blue is about a bunch of rookie police officers working in Toronto. After two seasons, I'm completely hooked. Without hating on previous Canadian cop shows, this one is freaking fantastic.

I've been forced into watching repeats while they shoot the third season and all it's done is make me ~~lust after the male actors~~ love the show more.

So, without further adieu, let's get started, shall we?

First up...

Eff - Ben Bass

Okay, so MAYBE you've heard of this show before because I bragged all over this blog about my very first autographed picture. Ben Bass, the hunk in the personalized shot above, is the obvious choice for effing. I mean, just look at him! It's a wonder that the photo paper doesn't catch on fire from his hot-ness. Not only that, but the character he plays, Sam Swarek, is a smouldering and somewhat dangerous police officer who wears a leather jacket in his spare time.

Okay, someone get me a fan. Or a bag of ice.

Marry - Travis Milne

Travis is a bit of a newbie and also Canadian. The reason he's a Marry instead of an Eff is because although Travis is also incredibly easy to look at, the character he plays, Chris Diaz, is so cute that I want to pinch his cheeks. He's sweet, caring but can also throw down. I'm all for effing the dangerous dude but he's not the one you want to marry. Nope. I want the hottie Mc-tottie who'd wake up early to surprise me with apple cinnamon pancakes. Pancakes with lots of syrup. Oh the things we could do with that syrup. Yes, this is a marriage I could get into.

Kill - Gregory Smith

Oh Greg, I'm sorry. It's not that I WANT to kill him but, as you can probably tell, he's not really my type. I prefer dark and mysterious and...well...that just isn't him. Greg's arguably the more famous member of the cast and was pretty cool in that one episode where he went undercover but, at the end of the day, he just doesn't make the top two power positions. Maybe if his hair was different? It's kind of Bieber-y right now, which just isn't good. It ISN'T GOOD, Greg! So, for this, he will be (theoretically) killed in the line of duty. It's cool. I'll throw him a great funeral. There'll be sandwiches and nacho dip. Maybe even a bite-sized brownie or two.

So what do you think, did I nail it? (pun obviously intended)

Thanks for hosting, Heather and Michelle!

Rollin' Like It's 2008

2012-02-08T09:00:00.000-04:00

As if I wasn't having an exciting enough week already (teaser: that news shall be shared on Feb 20)...

Yesterday, we got our new (to us) car!

And it's a MINI!!!

MiniMiniMiniMiniMiniMiniMiniMiniMiniMiniMiniMiniMiniMiniMiniMiniMiniMiniMiniMiniMiniMini

MiniMiniMiniMiniMiniMiniMiniMiniMiniMiniMiniMiniMiniMiniMiniMiniMiniMiniMiniMini

Back in the day, I had a Mini and I freaking loved it. Sure, there were minor electrical problems with the first generation models - I used to joke that my car was haunted because the clock would reset and sometimes the wipers had a mind of their own. But that didn't matter. I loved her. When we moved out of Toronto, though, she wasn't feeling it. She just wasn't made for gravel roads and steep icy hills and sometimes, she froze. Like, literally.

In January of this year, The Remix got a great new job but it involves a little bit of a commute and since we live in moose country, it made sense for him to take the SUV and for me to get a little something for getting around town. So, off to the car dealership we went....

Turns out, any car that's not a POS is kind of expensive.

Boo.

But then, my F-I-L did an AMAZING thing for us by giving us car that we could trade in!

Wohoo!

And as if the cuteness wasn't enough, there are SIGNIFICANTLY more features than the one I had originally. There are heated seats in there, people. HEATED SEATS! As you can tell by the snow, this is amazing. It also has cruise control and steering wheel controls.

The Remix could barely contain himself.

We took it for a drive last night and it felt like we'd gone back in time to when we first started living together. It was awesome.

MiniMiniMiniMiniMiniMiniMiniMiniMiniMiniMiniMiniMiniMiniMiniMiniMiniMiniMiniMiniMini

I have a doctor's appointment this morning and I've never been more excited to go. I'll be able to park anywhere! ANYWHERE!!

Wheee!!!

Banana Bread Pancakes

2012-02-07T09:00:00.000-04:00

Curse you, Pinterest! CURSE YOU!

Just kidding!

I LOVE YOU (even though you make it hard to stick with WW)!

Why?

Because I'm finding the best recipes ever without having to actually look! My new fav site is Six Sister's Stuff and when I saw this picture, I drooled.

Source: sixsistersstuff via Tara on Pinterest

Here's what you'll need:

2 cups whole wheat pastry flour (I used white pastry flour and it worked out great)

2 teaspoons baking powder

1/4 teaspoon salt

1/4 cup brown sugar

1 teaspoon cinnamon

1/4 teaspoon nutmeg

2/3 cup milk

1 tablespoon vanilla extract

3 large ripe bananas, mashed

2 tablespoons butter, melted

(I halved this recipe because we didn't need 12 pancakes. That's a lot of pancakes for two people.)

Mix flour, baking powder, salt, brown sugar, cinnamon and nutmeg in a bowl.

In a measuring cup, combine the milk and vanilla. Add to flour mixture and stir until blended.

The mixture will be dry. It's cool. Add the mashed bananas.

Mix until incorporated.

Then add the melted butter and mix again. It'll be just a little bit smoother.

Drop batter onto a buttered pan. I found the batter to be sticky so I needed to use two spoons to shape and even them. The original recipe says to watch for bubbles on top but I had no such bubbles. I just cooked them on each side for 2 - 3 minutes, keeping an eye on the bottoms.

Vanilla Maple Glaze:

1/2 cup maple syrup
3/4 cup powdered sugar
1 teaspoon vanilla extract

Combine the maple syrup, vanilla and icing sugar. Yup. There really isn't more to it than that. Whisk a few times and you're done.

A little bit of glaze and a few slices of fresh bananas.

Remix Approved!

Shove Some Love In Your Mouth

2012-02-06T09:00:00.000-04:00

Like, literally.

Where does Costco find these things? They're hilarious! Also, they are quite popular as half of the display was gone.

And in other news...

After my first DISASTER of a swap exchange, I got my v-day swap present in the mail on Friday! YAY!! I can't wait to open it and see what my partner got me! Usually, I'm not a big fan of Valentine's Day but who doesn't love presents in the mail?!

I SURE DO!

Book Club Friday: Speed Shrinking

2012-02-03T09:23:00.000-04:00

This week was a long one. Thank goodness it's over and time for Book Club Friday!!

*bangs drum*

For today's review...

*points*

I have mixed feelings about this one. From the cover quotesand blurb, I was expecting a laugh-out-loud read. While there were a fewoccasions where I smiled, at no point did it make me giggle. In fact, it tookme longer than usual to finish this one because it made me feel anxious.Anxious and self-conscious.

Not the best start.

Rachel is a self-help guru whose first book aboutquitting smoking becomes a best seller. With the help of her long-time shrink,Dr. Ness, she manages to ban all bad lifestyle choices. No drinking, no sugar,no carbs. After being with Dr. Ness for a while, she whittles down from 160lbsto 128lbs. This is where we started to fight. Mostly because Rachel became amega-cranky character.

You know why?

Because she was HUNGRY!

I’m all for shedding a few unwanted pounds but chewing iceat your best friend's wedding reception while staring at what everyone else is eating/drinking isjust plain ridiculous. I mean, at one point, Dr. Ness tells her to simply “feel herhunger.”

Yeah, I feel hunger too…and then I EAT SOMETHING!

Being a counselor myself, I was appalled with the dialoguebetween Rachel and Dr. Ness. Talk about a co-dependent and toxic relationship.They’re both so consumed with being thin that it completely monopolizes both oftheir lives. The back blurb of Speed Shrinking suggests that Rachel spends alot of time speed-dating shrinks to replace Dr. Ness when he moves out of thecity but that’s not what happens at all! It all takes place in one chapter andwas over almost as quickly as it started.

Boo.

Reading about how paranoid Rachel is in her size 12 jeanswasn’t enough to keep me engaged. She’s a seriously neurotic character andalthough I kind of wanted her to get over herself, I wasn’t super invested. Imean, at one point she goes to an institute for over eaters. An INSTITUTE!She’s not even overweight! Her height is mentioned in the beginning and even ather “grossly fat” 160lbs, she’s still considered healthy according to the BMI.

The worst part, though, was Rachel’s reason for freaking outabout her weight gain: she’s set to have a new book published about overcomingfood addiction. I think the author thought this would be enough tension to keepthe pace up but it fell flat for me. As in real life, I hate inauthentic peopleand unfortunately, Rachel falls into this category.

Being an average-sized woman, I couldn’t relate to Rachel’splight. Her constant reliance on external validation left me thinking she was 22instead of 38. So, I have to say that I can’t really recommend this one. Bummerbecause I liked the premise but Rachel and I just didn’t see eye-to-eye.

Thank goodness I got this one on clearance. It's listed for $23.99 on Amazon right now.

Not.A.Chance.

The Nail Files: V

2012-02-03T09:14:00.001-04:00

Yay for The Nail Files!

After last week's frustration, I decided to keep it simple this time.

Gone Gonzo - Muppets Collection, Swimsuit...Nailed It - Miss Universe Collection, Top Coat Hardener - Beauty Secrets.

Just doing the tips, it's kind of hard to see because Swimsuit...Nailed It has a lot of glitter itself. Getting some of the larger silver sparkles from Gone Gonzo was a little tricky and it took a while for them to dry. When the light hits the tips dead on, though, it's simply gorge (as you can tell..haha)! A little more subtle than I usually rock but it's good to switch it up now and again.

Can't wait to see what everyone else did this week!

Thanks for hosting, Tara and Vicki!

Search Engine Diss

2012-02-02T09:00:00.000-04:00

So apparently in the last week my blog got 12 referral hits from:

Big toe is far from the rest

??????

Since I've never once said that my big toe is far from the rest, I'm a little curious.

Is my big toe far from the rest?

What does that even mean?

I know that I have a big big toe...

What are you all saying about me?!

*stares accusatorially*

Also, 10 people stopped by to find a "snow white marathon costume." If you are one of those people, please raise your hand. I want to be friends with you.

Ger-gles (not my best hybrid but there you go)

2012-01-31T10:00:00.000-04:00

My father-in-law is awesome. So is my mother-in-law but today, it's all about Ger.

He's amazing. So amazing, in fact that he did an unbelievably amazing thing for us.

An UNBELIEVABLY AMAZING THING.

And when you do an UNBELIEVABLY AMAZING THING for us, I like to send edible thank-you presents. Sure, cards are nice but who doesn't love a tasty home-made treat?

So, after some deliberation (asking The Remix) I decided on bagels. Since my F-I-L's name is Ger, they've been dubbed Ger-gles. Again I'm aware it's not the best hybrid.

I've done some bagel posts before, so click here for the ingredient list and first few steps. After the dough's rested for 10 minutes, come back here for the rest.

So this is where you should be. The dough's rested for 10 minutes and you've rolled it out to a big log. Oh, and make sure that your cutting board's upside down. That's the real trick (not really).

I decided to make 10 this time. They're a little bigger and therefore, representative of my level of gratitude. Mark off how ever many you choose to make and then cut.

First up, chocolate chip Ger-gles. I used the teeny tiny chips because they're easier to incorporate into the dough. Roll out the cut up piece from the log and then flatten it. Press the chips into the dough with your knuckles.

Pinch the tops closed and then roll between your hands until smooth.

Roll into a "G" because, after all, these are Ger-gles.

Same goes here for the cinnamon strudel. Sprinkle flattened dough with cinnamon and sugar, pinch the ends and roll into a "G."

The cinnamon made it a little tricky so I used just a bit of water on my finger to seal the letter.

Back to the usual. Boil each side of the Ger-gels in honey water for 45 seconds.

Let them dry on a kitchen towel and then put them on a lined baking sheet.

20 minutes later at 400 (with one turn) later....delicious Ger-gels.

With extra gratitude.

Stood Up but Still Standing (albeit slightly hatefully)

2012-01-30T08:34:00.000-04:00

For the first time in my ENTIRE life, I got stood up. Strange, you may think, mostly because I'm married but I'm not talking about getting stood up on a date.

A few weeks ago, Heather and Katie decided to host a book swap. Being an avid reader, I was psyched! I just adore linking up for Book Club Fridays so I signed up.

Things were going well at first. My partner and I exchanged a few emails. Granted, I might have come off a bit strong with my EXTREME LEVEL OF EXCITEMENT but she didn't seem to mind. Our exchanges were brief but informative.

But then she wrote:

"I'm going to be really busy these next few weeks."

Hmm....

Now, we'd decided to exchange ebooks so I didn't quite understand how that would contradict her busy schedule but I let it ride. I mean, how long does it take to gift someone a book? Surely she could carve out the three minutes at some point. Little did I know the level of foreshadowing in her small statement.

Moving on.

She said that she read a lot so I suggested that we make a list of potential titles for each other because it would suck if we gave each other a book we'd already read. A good idea, too, considering she'd already read my first suggestion. In fact, she even complimented me on "nailing" her tastes.

She said that she'd think about options for me over the weekend and then write back.

A week went by and nothing happened.

The "reminder email" was sent out...and still nothing.

So, I sent another email and....

you guessed it...

nothing.

And now it's the day that we're supposed to share what our partners gave us and I have nothing to share!

*cries*

*flails*

So even though my partner totally flaked out on me, I decided to share the book that I'd settled on getting her. That way, if there's a linkup again maybe someone will actually want to swap books with me.

I pick good books, people. I really do!

Just look!

*points*

Description from Amazon (you know, because I haven't read it)

Getting Dumped is an "Active Fiction" title, a new type of e-book from Coliloquy. In this Active Fiction series, your input influences future books from this author. Specifically, in Getting Dumped, your choices influence what happens to JJ Shultz. Losing a cushy marketing job only to end up driving heavy equipment at the landfill would be a tough blow for most women, but JJ Schultz isn't most women. JJ gamely swaps office politics for a chance to crush garbage. The drama kicks into high gear when JJ and her sister, Lori, uncover a counterfeit handbag ring. JJ soon finds herself unraveling a sinister plot in the company of a tie-tugging accountant, a straight-to-video action hero/secretary, a suspicious but sneaky-hot engineer, and a host of other characters with questionable hygiene and morals. The author still isn't sure who JJ should end up with, so she's eager to see who her readers prefer. She sees the aggregate statistics on who gets picked the most, so the more you read, the more you influence what she writes. Please note: Getting Dumped contains content that may be inappropriate for children.

So, I ask you - how good of a partner would I have been?! This is cutting edge women's fiction, people. CUTTING EDGE! Plus, there's adult content, which means it's steamy! STEAMY CUTTING EDGE FICTION! Not only is Tawna Fenske freaking hysterical but now she's literally bringing you INSIDE the story!

Ah. Mazing.

So that's my story about how I didn't get to give this amazing book to my partner and how I didn't get squat from her.

Now I'm sorry but you must excuse me. I have to go nurse my wounded ego.

Best.Hood.Ornament.Ever.

2012-01-28T09:00:00.000-04:00

From a parking lot in Fredericton:

One orange eye. One red eye. Both light up.

Amazing.

The Nail Files IV

2012-01-27T08:27:00.000-04:00

This week, on The Nail Files...

Last week, a friend of mine found this on Pinterest.

Being a writer, I fell in love instantly. The directions seemed easy enough: polish nails, dip in vodka, press on newspaper, cover in clear top coat.

I can do that, right?

Wrong.

Oh, so wrong.

After redoing them MULTIPLE times, this is the best I could do.

*grimaces*

They're smudgy. Oh so smudgy! BOOOO!!!

The newsprint was really finicky to work with. If you don't press REALLY hard then you don't get much ink. If you press TOO hard, it smudges. You know, because your nails are wet with vodka. It was pretty much the most frustrating couple of hours ever. Maybe it'd be easier with some help but, frankly, even when I did get a clean transfer, the clear topcoat smudged it anyway.

Grrr...

Has anyone else tried this? Is there a trick I'm missing or something? I'd love to actually have this work out!

Book Club Friday: MWF Seeking BFF

2012-01-27T08:14:00.000-04:00

Yay! The week's over!!

That means it's time for Book Club Friday!!

This week, I'm reviewing this little gem...

*blows horn*

I'm not gonna lie, book clubbers, this book is hilarious. Even more so because it's non-fiction. Actually, it's so funny because it's non-fiction. This stuff really happened!

What stuff, you ask?

Well the author, Rachel Bertsche, is new to Chicago after moving from NYC with her husband. They have some friends (his) but Rachel misses her BFFs. Naturally, her solution to this problem is to go on 52 friend-dates in a year. Any woman who suddenly finds herself without her gaggle of gals would be able to sympathize with Rachel. It's never easy trying to make a new social circle, especially when you're in your thirties. Rachel dives in head-first though, and I felt a surge of pride every time she stepped outside her comfort zone to make a connection with someone.

After the first few pages, I couldn't put it down.

Less than a day later, I was finished. Yeah, it was that good.

Rachel's biggest problem was figuring out where to start. Where do you find 52 female strangers? How do you even ask a girl out on a friend-date? To answer these questions, Rachel references a few experts. She seamlessly sews various friendship tactics into her prose so you never feel like you're reading a research paper, which this basically is...only longer...and funnier.

After exhausting her tiny social circle, Rachel still has a lot of dates to fill. After all, she doesn't really know a lot of people in Chicago. Being a blogger, Rachel eventually gets some attention from a local Chicago paper who prints an article about what she's doing. The next day, her email box is flooded with interested ladies. Then she expands to asking out clerks from her favourite stores, waitresses at restaurants, women she meets at Starbucks - you name it, she tries it. It was as admirable as it was amusing. I think, by the end, she'd taken 5 different classes (cooking, improv, etc) and met over 100 new people. In only a year, that's quite impressive. She really did give it her all. Watching her confidence grow was heartwarming.

As it is in the dating world, the majority of Rachel's friend-dates are duds. Nothing really awful happens but often there just isn't a connection. Her descriptions of the dates, though, is what makes this book so great.

With snippets like:

"Kari told me about RentAFriend in May after she saw it on a local news segment. In June my aunt emailed me an article about the service. A month later a blog reader sent the link my way. Sure it may be a prostitution ring, but who better to give it a test drive, they said. I can handle shady and inappropriate advances if need be. I'm tough."

and

"Our week in Croatia is romantic, blissful, and magical, except for when it is hostile, frustrating and bitter." - in reference to a trip Rachel took with her husband. She also once mistook him for a "Mexican hobo rapist" while on another vacation so it's a wonder they're still together. Ha!

I was practically choking on my laughter.

She also describes a man's voice as: "Sort of like Six in Blossom or the Micro Machines guy."

*dies*

Four paragraphs in, I couldn't figure out why it was hard for her to make friends. By the end, I was wondering just how long it'd take to convince The Remix to move to Chicago.

Why?

Because I want to be Rachel's friend!

Me, Rachel! Pick ME!

I literally made 5 pages of annotations on my Kobo while reading because there were so many funny sections. Her anecdotes brought tears to my eyes and I cheered for her the whole way through.

So, basically...what I'm saying is...

BUY THIS BOOK

BUY THIS BOOK RIGHT NOW AND READ IT

That is all.

Over Exposed Co-Worker

2012-01-26T09:49:00.000-04:00

I've been taking a bit of a writing hiatus the last week to let my latest MS grow a thick coating of inspirational mould before I start revising. As such, I've been catching up on things.

Reading,

Blogging,

Cleaning (haha, not really).

Yesterday, I was watching some PVR'd shows and after fiddling in the kitchen for too long, came back to see that the recorded show was over. The channel it flicked to was playing a show called Plastic Makes Perfect, A Canadian show about plastic surgery with comedians who talk about plastic surgery. There are also social "experiments" meant to illustrate how much easier it is to be physically attractive. A strange combo, but whatever.

One of the "experiments" was putting a pretty lady in the St. Lawrence Market to give away cookies - next to a sign that said "Sample My Goodies." Ah-mazing. The cookie eaters would then rate the pretty lady's customer service skills. Then, the pretty lady got a serious make-under and tried to give away cookies again. Needless to say, the pretty lady gave away more cookies and scored higher on the survey. The craziest part, though, is that I knew the pretty lady! She's married to one of The Remix's cousins.

It's always so cool to see someone you know on TV...

that is, unless.....

you see her boobs.

Yup, you read that right.

This is the dilemma that I was forced to grapple with yesterday.

The segment of the show following my cousin's wife featured a woman I used to work with when I lived in Toronto. Sounds harmless enough but my former co-worker was featured as a plastic surgery recipient, not an "experiment." And what did she want done?

A boob job.

Now, obviously my former co-worker didn't have a problem going on a show that would display her nipples for all of the world to see but I couldn't help but feel like a mega-pervert. I mean, I know this woman! We used to take lunch breaks together!

During her intro speech, where she outlined her unhappiness, I realized I was in a countdown towards the peep show. Being a half-hour segment, I figured that I had less than a minute to decide whether or not to keep watching.

Frantic thoughts bounced around my brain:

Just how pervy would it be to keep watching?

What if she looks amazing afterwards, wouldn't I want to see her happiness?

Plus, I watch makeover shows all of the time, so would this really be any different?

Surely she knew that people would watch her, I mean, she's on a television show.

Nipples, nipples nipples....

So I ask you: Do you think I watched it?

Would you have?

The Family That Draws Together, Laughs Together

2012-01-25T09:00:00.000-04:00

When we moved to our cute little country-ish house, I was psyched to decorate. I love design magazines and the big craze in ole 2010 was chalkboard paint. Click here to read how it all went down.

I grew up in a skiing family. Every Friday, we'd pile into the car and drive for an hour and a half to get to our ski club. Then, it'd be a mad dash on Sunday to get on the road to avoid as much traffic as possible. I miss those days, so when my family came out for Christmas, I thought I'd try to bring the hills to our home.

After four days of visitors, here's what our bathroom wall looked like:

There's a racer, ski lift complete with dangling skiier, a kid who forgot to get off (true story, it happened to a kid I was teaching...) and the liftee's lunchbox. The mega-wipe-out is also pretty funny. And accurate.

Then there's the liftee at the top taking a snooze, a few snow making machines and a snowboard video shoot on the rail. I was a ski instructor for a while and we'd tell our kiddies to "do their pizza" because a snow plow is also the shape of a slice of pizza. Ingenious, right? I'd also like to point out the mildly illicit snowboarder in the trees (which are magnets). Oh man, my family's hilarious.

It's time to wash the walls now but this mural turned out so well that I decided it deserved a post.

Snappy Pineapple Chicken

2012-01-24T09:09:00.000-04:00

With a name like that, how could I resist?

I modified the recipe because I didn't have everything it needed - the ingredient list is a doozy! I didn't have a red pepper or water chestnuts but everything else. I only made two breasts (ha.....bahahaha....okay, moving on) but didn't cut down on the ingredients because I was nervous about there not being enough liquid to cook the chicken. It was a little risky, but worked out great.

Here's what you'll need.

Now let's get started!

*snaps*

Put carrots and onion at the bottom of the slow cooker.

*snaps*

Take the next 4 ingredients and put them in a ziploc bag. Add the chicken and shake, shake, shake!

*snaps* (is this getting old?)

Place the chicken on top of the veggies. Combine the next 6 ingredients in a 2-cup measuring cup and pour over chicken.

*snaps* (too bad, I'm loving it)

Then shut the top and set the timer for 4 hours on high (or 8 hours on low). Oh, and don't stir it or the chicken's coating will come off...you've been warned).

*snaps* (this is making me want to tango)

After the 4 hours (or 8), add the pineapple (and water chestnuts and pepper, if you have them). Mix the cornstarch and water together and mix it in as well. Continue to cook on high for 20 minutes.

*snaps snaps snaps snaps*

Just like the recipe's name suggests, this chicken is quite snappy! The allspice makes a nice contrast to the pineapple. It was best when I got rice, chicken, pineapple and carrot in the same bite. Individually, it didn't balance as well. The flavours really seem to need each other in this one. We'll definitely be making this again (and by "we," I obviously mean "me" haha!).

*snaps* (hee hee)

Cowardly Career Gal

2012-01-23T08:53:00.000-04:00

I briefly mentioned in my New Year Goal post that I have a bit of a problem. It's an ego-related problem, which is why it's so bad. Nobody can make it better than me. I guess it's good because it means that I have full accountability but that it sucks that I have to work it out myself.

Stupid self-reflection...

Since being stuck in my house like Rapunzel (minus the flowing golden locks - oh how I long for flowing locks) I've become quite good at finding ways to pass the time.

If I had hair like hers, I'd be french-braiding the crap out of it. With flowers. And sparkly clips.

I paint canvases, cook, bake, dance around like an idiot wearing boas and sparkly top hats, but it's been hard to find things that give my life some purpose. As my bio states, I'm a former obsessive A-type personality. Pre-sicky-face-status, I was used to having such a full schedule that it required a day planner (remember those days, before phones?). Not only was it overflowing with spare bits of paper and sticky tabs, but it was also colour coded. Yeah, I had to be that organized.

*sighs wistfully*

In May of 2010, I started blogging and I rediscovered how much I liked creative writing. It'd been years since I'd written anything not academic and after a couple of days, I was hooked. Two months later, I completed the first draft of my first novel. When I finished, the surge of pride kept a smile on my face for weeks. I carried around my MS in my purse and showed it to anyone who gave me a second glance. The checkout girl at the grocery store was my biggest fan. Okay so I wasn't quite that bad, but it was close for a while.

After a couple of weeks of petting the MS, I started researching how books are published. Turns out, it's pretty hard but I figured that with my empty schedule, I'd be able to invest the time.

While learning about query letters (which are like applications to agents) and how to write a decent synopsis (a summary of the book), I realized just how many newbie mistakes I made. Thank goodness for author's blogs, agent's blogs and Twitter. They're like a continual crash-course in Fiction Writing 101. A FREE continual crash-course and what's better than that?

Submitting my second MS had much better results than my first. Agents actually gave me feedback in their rejections! Feedback with suggestions! Truth be told, I sent out fifteen queries and got three requests for my MS and nine non-form rejections filled with nuggets of wisdom. Although I was disappointed, it inspired me to go back and make some serious revisions.

I feel that it's now about one million percent stronger but I've chosen to stop querying it because my third MS, which I've recently finished the first draft on, is about a ZILLION times stronger than the second. With the great feedback I got, I feel that my third just might be the one that lands me a fantastic agent. It's not good to be a query-a-holic and since my plan is to finish revisions and edits in the next few months, it makes more sense to stop querying the second and focus on the third.

So, I'm sure you can see by now that writing has pretty much taken over my life. I write about five to six hours each day during the week but there are times that I'm up really early or really late, typing as fast as my fingers will let me. I've also become that random person who jots down inspiration while grocery shopping and The Remix has become the wall I constantly bounce ideas off of.

YET....When somebody asks me what I do, I respond with, "Nothing."

My family and friends seem to have no problem calling me an author - they do it all of the time - but I just can't seem to do it unless I force myself (and then I do this awkward smile that sort of looks like I'm going to stab someone in the eyeball - it's bad).

The further along the writing road I go, the more I've wondered what my beef is. Well, after thinking and ~~drinking~~ thinking, I think I've finally gotten to the root. The bad news is that it's completely ridiculous. Ridiculous and somewhat embarrassing. Not a good combo.

I've spent the majority of my adult life in an academic setting where credentials mean everything. If there wasn't a string of letters after your name, then you didn't know shit. Credentials = credibility.

This is the core of my problem.

I took one creative writing course in the second year of my undergraduate degree about, oh....well...ten years ago. Aside from the A- in that class (see how I put the mark in there? Told you I had some issues), I have zero training in creative writing. Zip. Zilch. Zero.

As much as I've been taught to believe in credentials, though, I also believe in life-experience. Heck, I was volunteering as a rape-crisis counsellor long before I had any schooling on the matter and some of the best people I worked with used their personal experiences to become positively fantastic counsellors. I've read countless interviews with authors who say that they've been writing for as long as they can remember. Despite work schedules, family commitments and life-craziness, they always found time to write. They needed to. It was like breathing to them.

The bummer is that I don't fall into that category either. I literally just started two years ago.

*deep philosophical sigh*

So, between having no formal education or creative writing background, I feel that when I say:

"I'm a writer."

The natural follow-up question will be whether or not I've been published. Since the answer is "no," I'm setting a trap for myself. A trap that makes me sound like a wannabe loser. With no publishing experience, no formal education and no life-long commitment to the craft, I might as well call myself an an astronaut or circus magician. I mean, who am I to suddenly declare that I'm a writer when I've been doing it for all of five seconds?

The last thing I want is a pitying smile from someone, like they're patting a five-year-old on the head and saying "That's nice, dear." My ego just can't take it.

But (and this is a BIG BUT)

I freaking love writing. I love it. LOVE IT!

It truly feels like what I was meant to do.

I like to think that once I get an agent, it'll make me feel more legit but there a lot of posts out there that declare a writer isn't a writer until they believe that they are. Not terribly helpful information but I guess that's just the way it is.

So for the last month I've been faking it. And I'm going to keep on faking it until I believe it.

I'm an author, dammit!

An author!

Hmm...okay so it still doesn't sound natural but it doesn't sound quite as weird anymore, which is a tiny step in the right direction. Hopefully after a few more baby steps, I'll get over the hump.

*peers at hump in distance*

*starts walking*

ps. Props to you for getting to the end of the very loooooooong post. *hands bags of props*

The Nail Files III

2012-01-20T08:24:00.000-04:00

This week, on the Nail Files...

*Law & Order dun dun*

I was feeling a little blue with all of the white stuff outside so I thought I'd opt for something bright. I rummaged around my polish collection until I found the brightest pink I had. Imagine my delight when I saw it was called Bermuda Shorts.

Done and done.

*imagines walking on a beach*

*sighs*

Here it is: Essie's Bermuda Shorts next to OPI's Divine Swine.

The Essie polish is actually a matte. Without a topcoat it's much darker and doesn't wear well (you've been warned). When I added Divine Swine for the accent finger, I just about died. The teeny purple sparkles give off a sugar-plumb sheen, taking the pink to the next level.

So obviously, I couldn't resist going back and doing all of them.

I feel just like Jem! Truly Outrageous!

Hop on over to see Tara or Vicki to link up and show off what you're rocking!

Book Club Friday: The Family Man

2012-01-20T07:51:00.000-04:00

Two reviews in a row?!?

Back-to-back??

Ah....it feels good to be reading again! So good!

So, today's review is for Elinor Lipman's The Family Man

*points*

If I had to sum up The Family Man in one word, it would be: ridiculous.

Sometimes the ridiculous-ness was funny...but other times it left me shaking my head.

Let me break it down for you.

Henry Archer is the MC. I was a bit confused considering I'd classify the novel as classic chick-lit but I accepted his lack of boobies and kept going. A few paragraphs letter, it's revealed that Henry's a successful and lonely gay man. Naturally, this piqued my interest.

Next up to meet is Thalia, Henry's long-lost stepdaughter from a marriage over twenty years before. No, they're not biologically related but Henry had a great relationship with Thalia until the marriage to her mother ended. Thalia's twenty-nine and an aspiring actress. Her stepfather (the man who her mother married after Henry) was mega-rich but when he died, he didn't leave anything to Thalia or her mother. An opportunity arises for Thalia to become the fake girlfriend of a down-and-out movie star. Nothing too scandalous but she's required to date him publicly and get their pictures in gossip magazines.

Through a series of unbelievable coincidences, Henry and Thalia are reunited and she ends up moving into the apartment beneath his brownstone.

Still with me? I know. There's a lot going on. Frankly, it was hard to keep up.

The premise of the plot was good but there was WAY too much backstory needed to get me to care about the characters. Plus, there are about a zillion side-stories that make it hard to figure out exactly what's going on and how (or if) they're related to the main plot-line.

Characters fall in love,

fall out of love,

fight,

meet family,

hate that family,

threaten those family members,

adopt dogs,

have secret relationships,

law problems

gaaahhhhhhhhh!

It was simply too much for me.

Maybe if the book focused on two or even three story-lines, I could have gotten into it more. That's not to say that I didn't enjoy it but I feel like things could have been streamlined. There's a lot of humour and some good one-liners but I wasn't able to really connect to the characters.

So, if you like detailed novels where you get to know a lot about each character (primary or secondary) then you'll probably love The Family Man.

All in all, I'd give this book a solid 3.5 vanilla cupcakes with orange buttercream icing. It might not be for everyone, but for those who love the somewhat unusual combination of orange and butter, it'll be right up your alley.

New Year's Goal Update

2012-01-19T09:44:00.000-04:00

Wohoo!!

After a couple of weeks after declaring my New Year's Goals to the world, I'm delighted to report that I've made some progress!

Yesterday, I finished the first draft of my third novel.

It's hard to believe but it's true. And I'm two weeks ahead of schedule.

NBD

There's still months of editing and revising in front of me but that doesn't take away from the awesome-ness of getting the first draft down. I can't believe that I've managed to write another one. It's crazy.

As I leave the MS to marinate for a while in the memory files of my computer, it's time to put together some character boards/sketches for the fourth. I find it's best to totally throw myself into the prep stages of my next project before revising. It gives me fresh eyes, a necessity before wading through the trenches of word-warfare - slashing every single sentence until it essentially becomes a new MS (you writers out there feel me on this one, right?)

I picked up this book a few weeks ago and am psyched to see what I can get out of it.

I liked it because the cover uses blue ink instead of red for the edits. I loathe the colour red (but understand that it has to exist because it's half of purple, the best colour on the planet). Plus, it got pretty solid reviews on Amazon.

So far, I'm fifty pages deep and it's already given me some great tips on how to really "show" versus "tell." And they use excerpts from The Great Gatsby as examples. Loves.

For today, though, I'm going to celebrate. Life's all about celebrating victories and completing the first draft of a 88,000-word novel is, in my opinion, a victory. Not like a needs-a-day-named-after-it kind of victory, but a victory nonetheless. Unless, of course, you INSIST on launching a Twitter campaign to have today designated as "Jennie Finished The First Draft of Her Third Novel Day." Don't let little old me stop you. Ha!

Last week, I booked a massage for today, so that's super convenient as far as celebrating goes. I also think I'll treat myself to Subway for lunch.

Maybe I'll even get cheese on my sandwich....it IS a celebration, after all.

A delicious, cheesy celebration (with extra pickles).

Dear Gerry Dee:

2012-01-18T08:45:00.000-04:00

We've got a problem, buddy. A big one.

A couple of years ago, when The Remix and I moved to Fredericton, we got tickets to see your stand-up show at The Playhouse. You were so funny that I choked a few times. The set you did was hilarious from beginning to end. My favourite parts were when you told stories from when you were a teacher. Although I can't remember any specific details about what you covered, I do remember fearing that I might leave a wet spot on my seat cushion.

So when I saw that you had a new show on CBC called, Mr. D, where you play a teacher in a private school, I immediately set up my PVR to record the series. Last night, The Remix and I watched the first two episodes.

Here's the deal Gerry...something bad has happened.

During your stand-up show, your teaching stories brought tears to my eyes. However, in the TV-show, you're just plain mean. Mean and inappropriate.

Let me break down for you the things you did that just didn't work:

- Outing a middle-school girl for getting her period MULTIPLE times (This one makes me so mad that my leg is still bouncing as I write this post. Talk about AWFUL)

- Rolling your eyes at a middle-school boy because he has a difficult time reading aloud and then, when another student commends the boy for trying, tell the commender to stop

- Cutting a middle-school girl from the basketball team for being too short - telling her to audition for Annie - but then accepting another shortie

That's just too much for a half-hour show. For every laugh you gave me, a cringe wasn't far behind. I'm all for funny teacher sitcoms but there's a line, Mr. Dee, and you plowed right over it....and then kept driving....like, to China. It's more than possible to be hilarious without being an a-hole and, unfortunately, you're on the wrong sign of that line too. Making kids feel bad about themselves isn't ever going to make me laugh. Not when I see the pained look in their eyes.

Yes, I get that these aren't "real" kids - they're actors - but my point is still the same...it's just NOT FUNNY! Maybe if the school was a high-school setting, it'd be better because the students would be able to put you in your place and not just take your meanie remarks without some snappy come-back. But that's not the case here.

I want to like your show, Gerry. I REALLY DO but you're making it virtually impossible for me.

So get your shiz together. Stop picking on kids for humour and come up with another way to get a giggle. Hell, I'm cool with you poking fun at the students sometimes but do it in the Teacher's Lounge, not the classroom. I'm going to give you one more try but I'm not terribly hopeful.

There's no way I'm the only one who feels this way and let's face it, Ger-Ger, you have a Canadian show on a Canadian network, which basically means that you need to get some solid ratings or, as Heidi Klum would say...

Auf Wiedersehen

So work it out, Gerry.

WORK IT OUT!

*waits*

Slow Cooker Creamy Chicken Dijon

2012-01-17T10:00:00.000-04:00

I think it's safe to say that I've fallen in love with my slow cooker. Being able to throw a bunch of stuff into one big pot, leave it for 4 hours and then eat a delicious meal is....well...kind of like a miracle. It was freaking FREEZING out yesterday so I figured a hot meal would be great at the end of the day. I went back to my Company's Coming cookbook and found a recipe for Creamy Chicken Dijon.

Here's what you'll need:

1.5 cups - chopped onion

Can of sliced mushrooms (I didn't add this because I suffer from an psychological allergy to mushrooms, as in, they're gross)

Can of condensed cream of chicken soup

1/2 cup - water

1/4 cup - dijon mustard

1/4 tsp - dried crushed chilies

2 to 4 - chicken breasts

Can of evaporated milk

Bag of frozen cut broccoli (I used fresh)

Step 1: Put everything up to the chicken in the ingredient list in the slow cooker and stir.

Step 2: Add the chicken and stir again, coating the chicken entirely. Set the timer on high for 4 hours and go read a book or something.

Step 3: After the 4 hour cook time, add the condensed milk and broccoli. Stir and re-cover, on high, for 20 minutes. While this was happening, I made garlic butter rice. The timing worked out perfectly.

Step 4: EAT!

We didn't like this quite as much as the Beer and Bacon Chicken but it was still delicious and a sneaky way to eat a lot of broccoli without feeling like you're eating a lot of broccoli. Yes, I may be thirty but I still have to trick myself into eating my veggies. Surprisingly, this meal is 10 points on Weight Watchers, including the rice! For being a creamy recipe, that's pretty good so this will make its way into our dinner rotation.

Three cheers for slow cookers!!

The Nail Files: II

2012-01-13T09:37:00.000-04:00

This week, on The Nail Files...

Some of my wonderful girlfriends got me gift certificate for my b-day, which allowed me to purchase this unexpected and super fun new OPI collection. *squeals* I love Nicki Minaj! Two of the polishes I used this week came from this collection.

For my toes: Muppets' Fresh Frog of Bel Air & Nicki's Did It On 'Em. Fingers were Nicki's Metallic 4 Life and Ski Teal We Drop (don't know the collection).

Last week I learned that all of the cool kids were painting one finger differently. It feels good to be part of that crew. I just LOVE the baguette holographic sparkles in Metallic 4 Life but wish there weren't the mini silver sparkles too. Just the baguettes would look better, in my opinion. Ski Teal You Drop reminds me of Russian Navy, but a slightly greener version. It dries way darker than what it looks like in the bottle. Loves.

Toes, however, are magnificent. Did It On 'Em is a fantastic base for the Fresh Frog of Bel Air. Truth be told, my big toe has three coats of the sparkles while the others only have two. It'll be way harder to take it off but I think this is my new sparkle plan. It's nearly blinding in direct sunlight.

I can't wait to check out what everyone else has done!

*starts bloghopping*

Thanks again to Tara and Vicki for hosting!

Book Club Friday: Call Me Princess

2012-01-13T09:35:00.000-04:00

Yay! It’s BOOK CLUB FRIDAY!!

I’ve been away for so long – toolong, really. But now I’m back!! I've missed you all SO MUCH!! Hugs for EVERYONE! How have you been?

*stares expectantly with a goofy grin*

Bahaha!

I got a Kobo ereader for mybirthday from The Remix and it came with a whole whack of super cheap readingoptions so I've gotten back into the swing of things.

Yay for ereaders!

I love how you can preview books, sometimes up to twenty pages. I’llalways read paper books too, but I’m starting to really dig how I can take abunch of books with me in my purse without becoming a bag lady. It’s nice. Andpretty. And gives me awards. For instance, I recently got the Primetime rewardbecause I’d read for five hours between eight and ten at night. For reals.

Moving onto the review.

So one of the previews that came on my Kobo was for Sara Blaedel's Call Me Princess.

The first ten pages were intense. I’m going to lay it out toyou straight – it’s a rape scene. Not quite in Steig Larsson territory but arape scene nonetheless. All the preview included was the first chapter. Sensinga Law and Order: SVU-esque theme, Ibought the rest of it. After the opening scene, I needed a happy ending.

I have to say, (mild spoiler alert) I wasn’t disappointed.

The novel is set in Copenhagen and is centered on LouiseRick, a Detective Inspector. She has a long-term boyfriend named Peter, ajournalist best friend named Camilla and a bunch of colleagues whose names areso different from English ones that I had a hard time remembering who was amale and who was a female character. For instance, Flemming, which is a firstname of a man but somehow I always read it first like the last name of a femalecharacter. That really isn’t a criticism because it is set in Scandinavia butit’s something to look out for when reading. Which you should, because thebook’s pretty great.

So, Louise is assigned to the rape case and proceeds toinvestigate and it turns out that the moral of this story is just how dangerousonline dating can be but not in a way that you’ve been told before. These arefully-functional adults, looking for love on the Internet without taking silly risks. Adults whotake precautions to protect themselves. That doesn’t help them, though.

There are more than enough twists and turns here to make itan interesting read. I haven’t read a crime novel in a while and this was apretty good way to get back into them. Ms. Blaedel certainly knows how to draw out the tension and lead you down dead-ends without being obvious. I feel that she respected the subject matter too, which is very important for me. And, of course, I loved that the Lead Detective was a female character.

Big Risk, Moderately-Good Reward

2012-01-12T09:00:00.000-04:00

Since turning the big 3 - 0, I've been back on Weight Watchers. The stronger steroid I'm on (Medrol) has basically given me a boob job and I can't do up my winter jacket without squishing them down. It's ridiculous and totally true. Also, my chin has officially become one with my neck and although it's going to take a lot of effort, I'm going to try and take off as much of the excess weight as I can. It's hard to stay focused because it's easy to play the "medication" card but the reality is that it's freaking freezing up here and will only get worse for the next two months. I'm too cheap to buy a new winter coat so the bubbies need to shrink. Plus, the neck roll's got to go.

As such, I've banished junk food from the house (officially after my family left for Christmas). It's been going well so far and I think that by the end of the month, the zipper on my coat won't groan when I do it up. Yay!

I haven't had an intense sugar craving in about a week but last night, one hit me full force. And by that, I mean directly in my face. Or, more specifically, my mouth.

My mother bought me this funny chocolate for my birthday. I LOVED the Little Miss and Mister books when I was younger so when she saw an edible Little Miss Sunshine, she couldn't resist.

I thought I still had the Little Miss Sunshine book but all I could fine was Little Miss Brainy. You can see by the comparison just how big the chocolate was - just about the size of my fist.

Drinking a cup of decaf Earl Grey tea, Little Miss Sunshine stared at me from the table under our living room window.

Eating half of a cut up apple and tablespoon of peanut butter, Little Miss Sunshine taunted me.

Finally, after another cup of decaf Earl Grey tea, I couldn't help but think...

I wonder if that chocolate would be any good?

Really looking at the chocolate, I saw how detailed and cute it was. Easter bunnies come in similar packaging and the chocolate really isn't that great. It's not awful, but it's not awesome. The name Thortons was familiar but not enough so for me to remember if it'd be good chocolate or so-so chocolate.

So, I called my Mum who told me that it was middle-range chocolate. Thortons is mostly known for making caramel (where the name was familiar from) but she said that their chocolate was pretty popular too.

Left with the dilemma of breaking open and eating such a cute piece of chocolate only to find it grainy or gross, I weighed the options.

And then cracked open the package.

This is what remains.

The good news is that the left side of her face satisfied my craving but it really wasn't that great. Just as I'd been told, it was middle-range chocolate. I'd had enough after a few bites. Now I'm left with 2/3 of a chocolate Little Miss Sunshine. Not enough for me to smile at its cuteness but it's not good enough to make me want to eat any more. I guess I'll throw it in a Ziploc bag and pop it into the freezer for another desperate time.

Although, why waste perfectly good freezer space?

*breaks off piece*

*eats it*

*grimaces slightly*

*puts in freezer*

It's A Name Change-er

2012-01-11T10:00:00.000-04:00

Since starting this blog, I've referred to Marc as The Hubby. After two years of the touring around the blog-o-sphere, though, I've discovered that there are a lot of Hubbies out there. Maybe they don't have the all-important "The," but they're Hubbies nonetheless.

And I'm having none of it. I want my baby's name to be more original than that.

Then I remembered Marc already HAS a nickname! And it's AWESOME!

The Story:

When I was ~~hating my life~~ attending Carleton University, Marc would come and ~~talk me off the ledge of my balcony~~ visit on weekends. It was my second year and by then I had an gang of friends made up of four guys. Unfortunately, one of the guys decided not to return to Carleton and that was the EXACT time that Marc arrived on the scene. The guys loved him (because Marc's awesome) and decided that he was a perfect sub...

Therefore dubbing him The Remix

(as he ended up being better that the original member of our crew).

So, from then on (in Ottawa) he was The Remix.

I've decided to bring that back. From this moment forward, The Hubby shall be referred to as:

The Remix

*bangs gavel*

Cooking With a Side of Comedy

2012-01-10T10:00:00.001-04:00

It's officially winter. Although there isn't a lot of snow, it's freezing. As such, I've been trying to find meals to make that don't involve going outside to BBQ. I picked up a Company's Coming: Slow Cooker Dinners while waiting in line at the grocery store and saw a recipe for Beer and Bacon Chicken. Since The Hubby and I enjoy all three things in the title, I bought the book to give it a try.

Here's how it went.

The recipe. The only thing I had to pick up was bacon. It's nice when you have most of the ingredients at home already (I used chicken breasts instead of drumsticks).

Take the 8 ingredients listed after the chicken and combine in a 4-cup measuring cup (including the bacon but it wasn't ready when I took this pic).

Like this.

Then put the chicken in a plastic bag to coat with flour. Don't be alarmed by the MASSIVE SIZE of the one that I used, it was the only one in the house. But seriously, both of my dogs could probably fit inside. Or three dozen bagels. I bought them by accident.

Place the chicken breasts in the slow cooker and pour the mix over them. Then set the timer for either 4.5 hours on high of 8 hours on low. We used the high setting.

Halfway through! By this time, our entire house smelt like beer. The Hubby was happy.

Voila! Beer and Bacon Chicken with batsami rice and a cheddar garlic scone. I'm not going to lie, this recipe ROCKS and will be going into our rotation. It was super easy and the chicken was so tender that we didn't even need to use knives. It basically fell apart when we tried to fork it. Mmmmmm.

And as if the recipe wasn't enough, at the bottom, I found this

*points*

The cookbook is written by Jean Paré and apparently ole Jean-y thinks they're a regular comedien because, underneath the Beer and Bacon Chicken recipe was a little joke.

So I flipped through the book and found another...

And another....

Gotta love cooking with a side of comedy!

Haha!!

Mimi: My New Lover

2012-01-09T10:00:00.000-04:00

Last year, I got a Rebel T2i and have loved it ever since. My baby brother set me up with a pretty nice package from a fancy camera store in Toronto and it's been really fun learning how to take quality pictures. I usually keep my smaller point-and-shoot on me, in case I run across something when I'm on a field-trip from my house (grocery shopping, for the most part) but there have been times when I wished I had the better camera.

Well those days are over now!

For Christmas, my baby brother got me this amazing Kelly Moore camera bag. The concept of Kelly Moore's camera bags is to have one bag to keep all of your things with your SLR and various lenses - and to have that bag not look like an ugly camera bag. As such, they're all gorgeous but the one I love most is the Mimi and it's changed my life.

The Mimi, in lavender

Okay, so maybe it hasn't changed my life, per say, but it's gorgeous and functional and I can't seem to stop petting it.

*pets*

See what I mean!

What makes the bag so freaking amazing is that it's fully lined with camera-bag material and it comes with five velcro dividers.

Here it is with my wallet. Upon looking at this picture, it's becoming clear that I may be suffering from a mild Zebra-print addiction.

So now I can take my camera with me and still look cute. Yay!

All of her bags are awesome and they come in a solid variety of colours. She has videos of each one on her website, where she shoves them full of stuff, so it's easy to get an idea on which bag would be best for you. Plus, she's from the southern USA and has a delightful accent. If you're a budding/avid/wanna-be photographer then I'd highly suggest taking a look at her site (if you haven't already).

*pets*

*grins*

*petspetspets*

Dear Hanging Vases:

2012-01-07T10:00:00.001-04:00

I loved you. All three of you.

But something bad happened yesterday and now everything has changed.

I remember when I first saw you, clustered on a wall in a store in Collingwood, ON. The silly workers had stuffed you full of black rocks and a few seashells. Amateurs. I knew that you had more potential though, so after being carefully wrapped in paper, you came home with me.

Tried as I might, though, I just couldn't find anywhere to put you. That is, until we moved to New Brunswick and suddenly things made sense. The wall at the top of the stairs needed something and that's when you made your move from the cardboard box we schlepped you here in. I went to the dollar store and bought faux pussy willow branches, some long brown leafy things and a few bunches of green grass.

You really were beautiful. As a set, anyway. Now, though, with just the two of you, things just look kinda awkward. Especially with the one screw that used to attach you to the wall still hanging on (upon reflection, perhaps having only one screw wasn't the most secure of ideas...crap).

My flailing elbows often get me into trouble but I still can't believe they're responsible for your destruction. I wasn't even in a rush...just walking by and - SMASH - down you went. Then you covered the floor with your little bitty pieces.

Reenactment of what went down. Stupid appendages.

Yes, there are two of you left but without the third, you're a hot mess. I even bought silver sparkly sticks to shove in you - on sale, no less - but that's all over now.

Aren't they pretty? What am I going to do with them now? Boo.

So goodbye, beautiful hanging vases. Sorry that I'm such a clutz.

You will be missed.

The worst part is now I have to put something else there and I have NO IDEA what that will be.

Stupid elbows.

*grumbles*

The Nail Files

2012-01-06T09:24:00.000-04:00

Wohoo! Another link-up and this one's about NAIL POLISH!

*throws glitter*

I freaking love nail polish. Always have. Always will.

When OPI's Muppets collection was released last month, I freaking lost my mind. I basically got the entire collection for Christmas and it's the most overstimulated I've been in a while. There's just so many sparkles to choose from!

After humming and hawing I decided on this...

*points*

A combo of Divine Swine and Do You Lilac Me.

So sparkly....

I can't do my fingers until later today because, two weeks ago, I got a Shellac french manicure. After 14 days, there were only two chips. One on my pinky here and one on my right hand.

It's kind of a bummer having to go back into the salon to get the Shellac removed, but almost two weeks with no chipping is pretty awesome!

I'm REALLY looking forward to coming home and doing another Muppets combo.

Will it be green sparkles? Blue? A rainbow? There's just so many to choo, choo, choose from!

*smiles*

Thanks for the great linkup, Tara and Vicki!

Eff, Marry & Kill, 3rd Edition

2012-01-05T11:07:00.000-04:00

I love love love hooking up with Heather and Michelle for Eff, Marry & Kill!

This time, I'm doing: Actors Named Ryan

Eff

Oh, Ryan Gosling. I've pretty much wanted to eff him since his Breaker High days. For reals. Even back then with his significantly less-buff bod, he was quite eff-able. Then he got all mysterious and super jacked, which upped his eff-ability factor by about a million. Unfortunately, he's a smoker, iiiiiiiiiiiiick, which is why we could never be together for longer than one night. But what a night it would be.

Marry

Who knew that TWO hottie CANADIAN actors had the first name, "Ryan?" (Me, I did! haha) I must admit that a little piece of me died when Ryan Reynolds married Scarlett Johansson but I was quite looking forward to seeing their beautiful babies. I mean, come on! Being from that genetic pool would be like winning the hottie lottery. Not only is this Ryan a wonder to look at, though, but he also seems to have an amazing sense of humour. He's played so many roles that show his funny side. Between The Proposal, Just Friends and The Change-Up, I believe he's proved his marry-ability. Plus, he has a dog and I like dogs.

Kill

Ryan Phillippe, whatta douche. You know how you can tell when someone's really a douche? When they act like one even when they're not popular. Despite his ridiculous decision to cheat on Reese Witherspoon, arguably the cutest woman on the planet, he's just never done it for me. He basically plays the same character in every movie and that character...is quite often...douchy. I mean, just look at this picture! It's like he's trying to give a smoulderingly sexy stare but all I see is a creep-o. For this, he must die (theoretically).

Thanks for hosting again, ladies!

What Christmas Looked Like At Our House

2012-01-03T10:00:00.000-04:00

A little late, but better late than never, right?

I was looking at the pictures I took over Christmas and couldn't help but laugh at ~~the majority~~ some. I freaking love my family. They're hilarious. As such, I thought I'd pass on the hilarity...

Okay, this one isn't funny but is the BEST turkey we've EVER had. Props to my Mum for making it happen.

Okay, back to the funny-ness:

My baby brother got me these amazing glasses for my birthday. They were the hit of the holidays and it's been decided that "lurker" pictures are made about 1,000% more awesome if the lurker's wearing glasses with an attached moustache. Case in point: my Mum with The Pickle.

My Stepdad, the lurker extraordinaire.

Then Santa brought The Hubby and Baby Bro (respectively) tattoo sleeves and hats that say: Merry Christmas, Eh?

And yet ANOTHER pair of glasses for my Mum that she adores.

One night, after a few towering tequila sunrises...

This happened. Also, a few of those balloons ~~were totally~~ may have been inhaled.

And after all of the excitement, there really wasn't much else to do but nap. It was a great weekend.

Oh, and guess what spoiled lady got the majority of the MUPPETS collection?

It's me ME!!!

*jumps and points at face*

Only 51 weeks till we get to do it all again!!

Things That Make Me Go: MMMmmmmm

2012-01-02T10:00:00.000-04:00

Oh France, how I miss you.

Or, more specifically, how I miss your fresh pastries.

Croissants and pain chocolat, to be exact.

When we lived in downtown Toronto, there was a little bakery that'd occasionally bake a few batches of pain chocolat but it wasn't quite the same. They were too big, which doesn't really sound like a bad thing, but still, they weren't the same.

And don't even get me started on the croissants from Tim Hortons.

The probability of of me getting a good one from them is about zero.

So, when I left France, I took this mug with me. To remind me of how flaky pastry is supposed to taste.

But things are different now.

Oh, so different.

When I was wandering around good ole Costco a couple of months ago, I saw this box:

Now, I wasn't totally convinced. I mean, these were frozen pastries. There was no way that they'd be as good as fresh dough. On the other hand, the box said that they were "A taste of French tradition." I hummed and hawed but since we didn't have much room in our freezer anyway, I put them back.

When I was shopping for Christmas supplies a couple of weeks ago, I came across them again and thought:

Hey, maybe I could give these a try for my birthday breakfast!

So, I picked them up.

On December 23rd, this is what happened.

They made the house smell utterly fantastic and the best part is that they were DELICIOUS! Delicious and tiny. About three bites a piece. Just how I remembered them! And they left a pile of flakes right on my boobs (also, just how I remember it being).

So, thank you, Costco for killing it. Now I can have a cup of tea out of my pain chocolat mug while eating a fairly authentic pain chocolat.

Just writing this post makes me want to preheat the oven.

Oh who am I kidding, they're already baking.

My Reservations about Resolutions

2012-01-01T09:50:00.000-04:00

The blogosphere has been blowing up these last few days with posts about New Years Resolutions. I'm not really a NYR-kinda gal, though.

Ever watched the show Princess where Gail Van-Oxlade commands spoiled young girls through a budget bootcamp?

It's awesome.

It's filmed in Toronto and I love watching the girls' faces when they're told just how much money they'd have to make in order to afford their extravagant lifestyles. It's sort of like when people on The Antiques Roadshow think they have a seriously expensive heirloom and it ends up being worth, like, 5 bucks. Ha! Anyway, on that show, Gail says that the difference between a dream and a goal is a timeline. It's pretty much one of the more genius things that have come out of her mouth.

Well, her perspective on dreams is my perspective on New Years Resolutions. The ones I've made in the past are often lofty "I'll eat better, exercise more, be nicer," but don't include a real game plan. By the time February rolls around, I've pretty much forgotten about them.

That being said, I do like making goals. Oh yes. Goals are the BEST! Not only do you get what you've been working towards but ALSO the added BONUS of satisfaction. Satisfaction that floats onto my shoulders like a piece of responsibly-made silk.

*sighs*

*grumbles*

Okay, okay, so I'm in. However, instead of New Years Resolutions, I'm going to call them New Year Goals (oh yeah, I changed it).

After much consideration, I decided that 2012 needed to have an overall theme. I like themes. They bring sometimes unrelated things together. Also, they put off vibes and I'm all about vibes.

I thought and thought and though. Then, I came up with a BRILLIANT theme!

Are you ready?

GET READY!

The year 2012 shall be the year of:

The Tortoise

Why?

Because slow and steady wins the race.

I'd really like a year of stability. On all fronts. A year where nothing super exciting happens. I'm sure that Marc (The Hubby) would agree with me when I say that we could use a little LESS excitement. But stability itself isn't terribly interesting and although a tortoise's progress isn't great, they still move forward.

So working from The Year of The Tortoise, I'd like to achieve the following goals in the next 364 days (today doesn't count because it's goal-setting day):

1. Finish my WIP and getting it ready to query by June.
I plan to do this by writing at least 2,000 words a day, 5 days a week, when I'm feeling well. During my editing/revising stages, I will be going over at least 20 pages a day, 5 days a week, when I'm feeling well. If I'm able to keep up that pace then I'll be good as gravy. I'm over half done my first draft now and usually write around 3,000 words a day, so by taking 1,000 off as my minimum, I'll be able to meet my quota - no problem. The writing's the easy part, though. It's the editing/revising stages that take forever.

Because each page ends up looking like this (from a MS I was editing/revising last summer).

2. I'm going to actively accept that I'm a writer.
I've had problems with this the past few months and am in the middle of composing a post about my hangups. It has more to do with me being a coward more than anything else. Again, I'll explain my reservations about that later. As to the New Year Goal, I'm just going to fake it 'till I make it.

Surprise question from the back: "Hey, what do you do?"

Me, somewhat startled: "I'm a writer!"

See, I'm off to a great start already.

3. Finish the Couch to 5k ap by the end of April.
The ap actually takes 8 weeks, but since I'm in such awful shape and don't know if I'll be able to increase as quickly as "average healthy people," I've decided to double the timeline. At 30 minutes a day, 3 days a week, I think it's a realistic goal.

Me at the end of my first (and only) half-marathon approximately a thousand years ago. I want this feeling again.

So I think that three is a pretty good start. The goals will be enough to keep me focused for the first part of the year, anyway, and I have a concrete plan on how to get them done within a specific timeframe. And each of them is at a slow and steady pace.

Just like how this guy moves.

Oh yeah, The Year of The Tortoise is going to be a good one.

Peace Out, Twenties. It's Been a Slice!

2011-12-23T10:20:00.000-04:00

I knew it was coming and now it's here.

I'm thirty.

As friggin if.

I think it's been established in past posts that the latter part of my twenties wasn't all I'd hoped they'd be but the ten years of my Twenties were pretty awesome. I attended one university program here in Fredericton and made a couple of life-long friends (some of the best girls ever, in my opinion). After four ridiculously-fun years, I graduated and moved to Ottawa for my master's degree. It wasn't the best time but I managed to finish. I also met one of the funniest guys ever who made it bearable to live in the worst place ever (Yes, I'm aware that I'm referring to my Nation's capital but Ottawa and I did not get along. Like, at all).

The summer of the first year of my Master's, I spent the summer in France, thanks to my wonderfully generous mother. I travelled around the country taking French classes, tennis lessons and learned how to surf.

Ballin'. Oh so ballin'.

To date, it was the best summer of my life. When I came back, I'd never been tanner. Thanks to all of the upper-body-centered sports, I was also super toned. Not quite Jillian Michaels territory, but still pretty good.

That's when I met Marc.

Going back to school wasn't so bad with Marc coming to visit and a short few months later, I graduated and moved back to Aurora.

Then it was downtown Toronto, into the coolest condo ever. Wow, did I have a lot of fun there.

Best view of all time.

A lot. Of fun.

Parties, nights out, never ending walks. Oh how I miss it. When Marc moved in, though, it was a countdown to getting another place. It just wasn't big enough for two people. There were two closets in the entire place. As soon as we got The Pickle we had stuff piled in corners.

I spent some time volunteering at a local rape crisis centre and felt like I'd finally figured out what I wanted to do. A few months later, I was a full-fledged crisis counsellor and court advocate. Deciding that I eventually want to open my own counselling practice, I went back to school for certification. In the meantime, we did a little bit of traveling around the States.

Marc and I got engaged later that summer and I got the most amazing ring of all time. (I can't wait till it fits again).

With our focus shifting from fur-babies to human-babies, we sold the condo and moved out of the city waaaaay up north.

The following May, we got married on a beach in St. Lucia. It was bananas.

Then things kinda fell apart...but you already know all of that.

So goodbye, twenties. We had a good ten-year run. There's no sense in holding on. It's time part ways.

*waves*

What up, thirties? Where's the party?

*shakes champagne*

The 2011 Pelican Cup

2011-12-19T11:00:00.000-04:00

Ahh! How have I not blogged about this?!

Seriously. I don't know how this slipped by me but as I mulled over the things I've done this year, it occurred to me that I hadn't shared any info about The Cup.

Specifically, The Pelican Cup

It all started years ago, when The Hubby and I lived in a condo in downtown Toronto. One night, a gal pal and I ended up going to the Dollar Store and inventing games based on the cheap toys we found there. We invited a few people over and called the night: The Condo Cup. We had two of those.

Then we had one up in Collingwood, where we moved. It was called The Collingwood Country Cup.

When we moved here, it became The Pelican Cup (we live on Pelican Court). The first year here, we just didn't have enough time to do it, but THIS year, we DID! YAY!!

Yeah. That's a real trophy. As I've said before: when we do it, we do it.

So the deal is that you need a team name and uniform. From the left: Team Arrrrr!, Happypants Heros, Deck The Halls With Boy Band Fever and TeamTeam. This is the group shot before things got started.

It was raining, but we didn't let that stop us. First event: Obstacle Course! This was a timed event and therefore somewhat stressful.

The three-legged race part was a bit tricky as we didn't have anything aside from torn-up leis to tie our legs together. Logistics, logistics.

There was also a tie-breaker between Team Arrr! and Deck The Halls With Boy Band Fever because of a timing mis-hap. DTHWBBF were the victors.

Event 2: Just Dance

Deck The Halls With Boy Band Fever dominated on the song, Maniac. Obviously.

Event 3: Just Shove It In My Mouth

Blind taste-testing. Is there anything funnier?

Not really. Especially when you add sequinned Mexican wrestling masks with taped-over eye slots.

Event 4: Colour Blind

Each team was assigned a colour to pick out - blindfolded. The other team member wasn't allowed to touch their partner or the coloured numbers. I'm not going to lie. It got wet.

And the final group shot! The big winners were us!! YAY for Happypants Heros! It was nice, though, because everyone won an event!

Then Team Arrr's moustaches were turned into eyebrows.

And things went downhill after that...

So, our first Pelican Cup was a resounding success. I believe we're going to throw a Winter Edition sometime in February. The weather's just miserable by then and it's nice to have something to look forward to!

The Glam Fab-biest Gals I Know

2011-12-18T18:00:00.000-04:00

Best. Party. Ever.

Yup, those three words pretty much sum up my 30th birthday party.

Although, how can things NOT go well when you start the night with some of this:

I'd never had such fancy tequila before but I figured if I was gonna do it....I was gonna do it, right.

After a few shots, the Glab-Fab Photo Shoot Party got underway and we stormed my dressing room in search of pretty dresses and sparkly accessories. A few smoky eyes and little bit of gloss later, we were ready to rock.

Here's some of the pics (edited with befunky.com - oh how I love that site)

To protect the professional lives of my gal-pals, NO NAMES have been used. Haha (but I'm serious). Since I don't have a professional life, I don't really care.

Here I am at the bottom of a star spin. Yeah. That's how I do.

Some other solo shots:

Mah-velously Mod

Pop Princess

Flirty Flapper

We had a seriously good time wearing as much jewelry as possible.

This one reminds me of Earth Girls Are Easy, which is quite fitting for this gal.

After the individual ones, we threw on wigs for some group ones.

Oh Befunky.com. How I love you. Here we are as a watercolour.

And this one just happened like this! I LOVE IT.

I really do have some glam-fab friends. And they're hilarious! It was my first glamour shots party but definitely not my last. It was epic and one of the funnest nights I've had in a while.

Yay for birthdays!

The Final Dirty Countdown

2011-12-16T11:00:00.000-04:00

So in SEVEN days I will officially be entering another box. A box that The Hubby has been waiting for me to get into so he feels like less of a perv.

Yup, you guessed it.

I'm turning thirty.

THIRTY!

Oh the humanity!

I'd originally intended on throwing myself a lovely fancy-pants 20s-themed party but my health craziness made that pretty impossible to plan. But don't despair, my lovely internet buddies, for I came up with an EQUALLY awesome idea.

Remember the Glamor Shot craze of the late 80s/early 90s? Well I do and I'd always envied those who got to tease their hair, throw on too much blush and ham it up for a soft-lighted camera lens.

Just in case you don't remember, here are some examples:

Now, I've introduced you to my basement of wonder before...

so it seemed like a natural idea for a party with my ladies. Although, I'm not so much going to the original Glamor Shot look as much as this:

YES, you read that right.

Tonight, in celebration of my turning THIRTY next week, I shall be channeling RuPaul in all of her/his (she/he doesn't care about the pronoun) drag glory. Lashes, huge hair, extreme face contouring - everything!! I have a special outfit all picked out and I've been playing with my makeup options all week.

My ah-mazing hubby will also be transforming himself, into Marc-La-Merde - a semi-professional photographer who once was the runner-up for the back-up spot for Cycle 1 of Canada's Next Top Model. I'm VERY excited that such a renowned photographer will be capturing our beauty and can't WAIT to see how everything turns out.

It's been an interesting year where I've learned a lot things about myself. One being the acceptance of the change in my appearance. So what that I've gained a ton of weight, my face is swollen and I don't have a neck. I've seen what those performers can do and they start out as men. With an expansive natural bosom, I feel like I'm halfway there already. Plus, it's confidence that makes people take notice. Confidence and a whole lotta glitter. Luckily, I have reserves of both.

So I'll spend today cleaning up downstairs and setting up a table with my costume jewellery so my pals and I can share and swap. Between my oversized baubles and collection of technicolour wigs, I think we're gonna have a grand old time...

And not just because I'm old.

(Don't worry, when I've recovered from the best night ever, I'll post some pics!)

*sets up Mariah fan*

Gutting My Great Expectations

2011-12-14T11:10:00.000-04:00

Are you guilty of balls-to-the-wall optimism? Do you constantly hope for the best, sometimes to the point of absurdity?

Join the club.

*hands membership pin*

I'm an eternal half-full-glass kinda gal and that's how I like it. I think it's awesome that I can pretty much take any bad situation and polish it up to a blinding shine. That being said, sometimes that ability comes back to ninja chop me right in the throat.

Why?

Because sometimes my optimism leads to expectations. And those expectations, when not fulfilled, leave me cursing the world in the fetal position at the bottom of my closet.

Case in point - my health. For years, I kept telling myself that it'll get better:

In just another few months, I'll be able to get a job.

By next year, I'll be able to have babies.

The new drug is just around the corner. Just keep holding on.

Well, those timelines came and went and all I was left with was devastating disapointment. Not because they didn't happen - well, kinda - but because I'd believed them so much that I truly expected them to. Perhaps it's one of my life lessons: to learn how to balance optimism and realism.

So for the last little while, I've consciously been trying to separate optimism from expectation. Now, that doesn't mean that I've turned into a Whining Witney. Oh no. Not a chance.

It simply means that I'm working on removing expectations for things I have no control over.

Using my health as an example again, I recently learned that I won't be able to pursue compassionate grounds for early access to a drug that could cure me. If I hadn't already accepted that I might not qualify, then the news would have been a much bigger blow than it was. Instead of being sent to the depths of despair, I was able to accept the news and that I would have to wait. A stark contrast to how I've taken health setbacks in the past.

Then, I realized that I'd actually been using my expectation-removal-process for a while. In fact, it was something that I did when I first got sick (being as my energy level plummeted).

Just as there are situations you have no control over, there are also people who you have no control over. Even if you're the nicest person on the planet, there'll always be one person who makes it their life mission to cut you down. It doesn't feel good. In fact, it feels awful...

BUT here's what I've learned

...and this is BIG, so you might want to sit down.

Their actions have little to nothing to do with you.

More times than not, if someone has it out for you, they just do. Granted, there are times where we all unwittingly push another's buttons but I'm not talking about that. I'm talking about the people in your life who purposefully try to hurt you. Sure, it'd be easy to just cut them out, but as I've matured, it's become clear that there are certain people that you can't just cut out. Social ties get mighty strong as time moves forward and when you add in work friends, family and your partner's family, it's impossible to completely surround yourself with positive people. No matter how hard you try. After moaning to Marc about why they'll never change, it hit me.

*cue harp*

By removing the expectation that people who make me cringe will someday become class-acts, I was able to leave social gatherings relatively unscathed. At first, it took a whole lot of effort to not lash back, but after a while, I'd just smile and nod and then laugh at their ridiculous remarks. Not only did that make my experience better, but it also made the haters lighten up a bit. Probably because they weren't getting the reaction from me that they were looking for.

Now, a few years later, I see that it's the same with my health. I will continue to hope that things will get better, but I have to stop expecting it. The disappointment just isn't worth it.

So, maybe this post will make sense to you, maybe not. But I figured that since having a sequel successful experience with removing my expectations, I'd share it with the world. To be honest, I've rewritten this post about a thousand times so I hope that I've been able to articulate my life-shifting choice. And it is a choice, by the way. A choice that takes a lot of work to become natural, but it's something that I'm more than happy to put the work into. The payoff at the end is worth it. So very worth it.

30% Gamer, 100% Foot-in-Mouth-er.

2011-12-13T14:25:00.000-04:00

(Yes, I'm aware the math's a little off).

So a glorious thing happened about a month ago. After years of waiting, it was finally released. My world hasn't been the same since.

What was this life-changing event, you ask?

The release of the new Zelda: Skyward Sword, for Wii.

I know, I know, I'm a little old and terribly too cool to be into a role-playing adventure game but pretending that I have a SWORD by swinging my arm is AWESOME! Not quite as awesome as the Harry Potter game (super fun) but there's a certain something about beating the crap out of evil red dudes. I also LOVE that I live in a time where there's "walkthrough" sites to tell you how to get through the levels. Like the post title says, I'm really only 30% of a gamer. When it gets too hard, I'm not interested.

So when I was in Future Shop in the summer, I saw a tag that I could take to the cash and pay a $10 deposit for when the new Zelda came out. They had no idea when it would be but I didn't care. There was no question that I was going to want it, so I figured I might as well be on the pre-order list. Many many months later, I saw on TV that the game had been released.

Slightly miffed that Future Shop hadn't called to let me know, I went in the next day. As I walked in the front door, I had a whispering memory of the cashier saying "you'll need to hang on to your receipt." Opening my wallet to the "special things" slot, there was nothing.

Crap.

I was already there so I decided to just go in. Walking to the gaming department, I found a tall dude with a huge afro. Awesome. I told him that I'd pre-ordered the game but didn't have my receipt. He said that someone had tried to do the same thing the day before (when it actually came out) and they didn't let him. When he saw my fallen face, which was beneath my spirit hood

I wasn't quite making this expression....

Anyway, moving on.

He offered to get his manager. After waiting FOREVER, the manager appeared. He asked me when I thought I put down the deposit.

"Uhh, well it was hot out, so some time in July or August?"

A few clicks later, it was clear to both of us that the computer system had crashed. The biggest hint being the black screen. A flash later, everything snapped back on. Filling out the form request for a second time, he pressed "send" and the screen went black, again. Twenty minutes later, he prevailed at another computer terminal. However, his persistence didn't pay off as nothing came up.

I'd now been in Future Shop for 35 minutes.

I was sad that the deposit was gone but still wanted the game. Wal-Mart was selling it for a dollar less, so I asked them if they price matched. They did, but it involved having them call the store to see that they have it in stock. Then they'd meet the price and beat the difference by 10%. So, we're talking about a whopping dollar and ten cent difference but I'd already lost ten so I was trying to avoid any further ones.

The manager came back at this point and saw that I was standing with the first guy, who was on hold on the phone. When he asked me what he was doing, I explained the price match. The manager laughed and said that for that small of a difference, he'd just do it. He led me over to another kiosk, where there was a stapled bundle of paper with different highlighted names. Lo and behold, my eyes wandered down the list and - BAM - there was my name!

"Look! Look! It's me, IT'S ME!!" I said gleefully. My spirit hood falling to my shoulders.

"You mean that guy didn't look at the list before coming and getting me?" The manager asked.

"Nope, but now it'll work, right?! AND you'll price match?"

"Of course. Sorry that it took so much longer than it should have. The seasonal staff here aren't trained well. And wow, it says here that you were the first person to pre-order it here. In June."

*manic-al laughter* "Oh, well isn't that funny. I just love Zelda, I guess."

He smiled at my enthusiasm like he'd found a cool and unexpected gamer-buddy.

We chatted as we walked to the cash, armed with the copy of my deposit and the manager's price-match form. He were waiting in line when he told me that the deluxe edition included a CD of all the Zelda music.

Me: "What, so I can relive all of my Zelda glory while driving?"

The very helpful and nice manager who'd spent forever with me because I was a jackass who didn't remember my receipt: "Uh....well you can." *Immediate tomato face* Not that I do..." *stutter* "but some people like it".

Me: "Errr...sorry."

So there you have it. Why I'm a 30% gamer but 100% foot-in-mouth-er.

To make up for my insensitive remark, I gave him a shout-out on Twitter AND filled out the questionnaire on the back of my receipt. Hopefully Santa views that as an even-out situation.

It's Beginning To Smell A Lot Like Christmas

2011-12-06T15:30:00.000-04:00

Well it certainly isn't LOOKING like Christmas

*peers outside at pouring rain*

*sighs*

But at least is SMELLS like Christmas and that's because we got our tree!!

*sniff sniff snnnnnnifffffff*

YAY!!

Here's where we bought it. I know some of you are thinking: Hey, don't you live in the country? Why aren't you cutting down your own tree?

Well, the ones on our property aren't that lush and there are a few places in town that sell trees for charity. Last year we bought one from the Shriners so this year we decided to give to Kiwanis. It's like a good deed AND a holiday decoration at the same time (do you hear that, Santa? DO YOU?).

'Nuff said.

There were SO many trees to choose from!

After seeing what a "blue level" tree looked like (mid-price), it was clear that we wanted a "red level" tree (top price, at $30).

We walked around for a long time in the "red aisle." Not that Marc got impatient at my scrutiny (much, anyway). Finally though, we found it! THIS IS THE ONE!

Just to be sure, we got the very technically sophisticated measuring plank to make sure it'd fit in our house.

Then it was wrapped in a blanket and shoved into the back of our car. I had to sit in the back because of it's enormous awesomeness.

Getting a bound tree this year was a freaking genius idea as there was almost no needle shedding!

Then it was time to trim the bottom. Just look how adorably happy Marc is because he gets to use the chainsaw.

Way easier than an axe. Louder, but easier.

In the fancy-pants stand it went!

And then we let it stand overnight. Marc's kind of obsessive about vacuuming the needles. It's a battle I choose not to fight, myself.

Tah-dah!! We still can't get the timer to work properly, but it sure does look good all lit up!

I love this ornament. It's like 16 spikes of sparkly happiness.

This guy makes me laugh every time I see him. I think it's the springy legs. Or the lack of arms.

Our favourite ornament from traveling. It makes me smile because it's funny but also because it makes me remember that everyone in Arizona puts santa hats on their cacti. Awesome.

Finally, would any self-respecting Canadian NOT have a Timmies ornament?

He's (Almost Not) an Idiot

2011-12-02T08:05:00.001-04:00

Picture this:

It's early in the morning, around 1:30am, when you're walking across an Eastern Canadian university campus. Maybe you're coming home from a marathon library session or maybe you spent the night hanging out with friends. Out of nowhere, you get jumped and your attacker steals your backpack. Collecting yourself, you flag down campus security to tell them. Campus security then calls the police, you know, because mugging someone is against the law. A little while later, the attacker is spotted and the backpack recovered.

Case closed.

Or is it?

What happens if, in the above described situation, instead of having a backpack full of books...it's full of DRUGS AND CASH?!

Oh yes, you read that right. The dude who was mugged was a drug dealer (weed and magic mushrooms) yet he thought it'd be a grand idea to involve law enforcement in getting his merchandise back.

*slaps forehead*

When the police opened the bag, they went back to the mugged dude and were like, "Uh, here's your backpack...and by the way, we're arresting you."

(Obviously, this is paraphrased, but I'm sure it went a little something like that. If I were the cop, I would've had a hard time keeping a straight face.)

Now I ask you....why the hell would you flag down security to get back your bag full of ILLEGAL drugs? Clearly this guy needs to spend less time getting high and more time in class.

For the full story, click here.

FurBaby Birthdays!

2011-12-01T15:35:00.000-04:00

It's hard to believe but my adorable furbabies are another year older! Where does the time go?

Pepi hates the hat.

The Pickle doesn't mind it so much.

Pepi, the kitty-puppy hybrid is THREE years old today.

The Pickle has offically become the oldest dude in the house at a whopping FIVE years old (35 in puppy years).

They like to spend their days hanging on the front porch...

and playing tug of war. Although The Pickle likes to tug while Pepi prefers to lick (incessantly).

I remember when we brought Pepi home from the Humane Society (Canadian ASPCA). He was a puppy mill puppy and therefore scared at everything - the car, us, The Pickle. He didn't know what a toy was, how to run and wasn't a huge fan of cuddles.

As you can see, that's all changed now. Here he is, hugging a pal in his formal wear.

And believe it or not, this is his "extra relaxed" pose.

Ah, Pickle, my first furbaby and arguably the hairiest. He used to be so small!!

Behind him is our ottoman, just to give you an idea of how small he was.

He loves having his picture taken. Ham.

And because they're spoiled little muffins, they've gotten new toys, peanut butter in their breakfast and will be getting some bacon with their supper.

God help us when we have human babies...oh the money will be spending! Haha!